Linda Tran

It seems like everyone is going through a transition right now. Everyone around me is starting up their careers, settling down with their significant others and really sitting down to plan their future. I'm not going to lie but that has been my mentality for the past couple of years. I've always been in a rush to settle down so I can really start my life but recently, I've realize that perhaps all the things I wanted/needed before isn't what I really wanted & needed now. To be honest, I really don't know where I stand but for some odd reason it feels like I'm in limbo.

What do I really want to do with my life?

How do I want to spend it?

When do I really want to settle?

I know it's still a while away but in 4 months, I'll be turning 24. Back in middle school, I thought that when I turn 24, I would have a career and be happily married with the love of my life. I guess that's not how that really turned out but I think I'm okay with that. I just realized a couple of things along the way and grew into a difference person. I was talking to one of my close friends today and she said "Sometimes, in marriage people just grow into different people and they just stop loving the person that committed their lives to." Is that statement really true? If we are constantly changing everyday, is it possible that one day when you look in the mirror you can't even tell who is looking back at you? I guess, I'm nervous about change, about who I'm going to transform into 5, 10, 20 years from now. Will I be able to say I'm proud of who I've become and the route I've taken?

I guess life is the biggest obstacle of all, with all the uncertainties, how are we suppose to know that the decisions we make now won't dramatically affect who we will become tomorrow? Don't be mistaken, I'm really happy with who I am now and the choices I've made thus far but once in a while I wonder, am I selling myself short? Is this all the potential I have? Am I not being ambitious enough?

For a while, I've been struggling with these thoughts but one seems to return time and time again - when will my love be returned? As foolish as it sounds, that's human nature. We don't worry about the big picture because we are so fixated on our personal issues. As selfish as that seems, that's all we tend to worry about. Who will love me? Will I die alone? When will I find the love of my life? Who can love me? These questions may be selfish but they are the demons that everyone, regardless of race, religion or socioeconomic backgrounds, face everyday, year round. The one question that has been and will be universal until the end of time - Am I going to be alone?