When you were young, you used to always say "when I grow up, I want to be.." Assignments always revolved around future plans and as children we were always dreaming.
We are always looking at the bigger picture, not really transfixed on how we were going to get there or how much time and money it's going to cost. All we knew was, we could become anything we wanted if we dreamed big enough. There's the flaw in childhood. We aren't really given a path or a blueprint to follow. We aren't taught how tough the road is going to be and that there would be obstacles in the way. It was all trial and error from the beginning.
Although I'm 20, I still feel like I am a child. I still dream big and I still have my what-ifs. I'm chasing the same things I was when I was 10. I don't feel that I've done my growing up. I sometimes feel that I haven't really started. But lately, with the way things are going, I have been pushed into a position of an adult. I can't bare to just stand there and watch things play out. I just feel I have too many responsibilities, too many things on my shoulder and sometimes, I just want to run far far away but I know that I can't leave the ones I love with all my heart behind.
Starting from today, it feels like things changed. The sky isn't filled with rainbows and sunshine, it's filled with clouds with a zillion doubts. I need to pick things up and become the person that I'm suppose to be. I need to be the person my household has been lacking for a year. I need to be a top student, a hard-working employee, a grand-daughter, a supportive big sister and especially a mother and a father because someone has to. I have to learn to put myself last now.